Chastity, authentic Christian view.

Chastity / Sexual Purity

Answered first on Quora, Angelika Selfridge, Is masturbation a sin?, duplicated here.

Chastity is a difficult topic as most places I have gone to research I find are incomplete. I pray you find my answer here authentic. As a woman, I have addressed this to woman and girls. I am coming from a Christian perspective, but anyone, anywhere will benefit from being chaste.

Contents:

Benefits of chastity
Chastity in Bible
Being Chaste
Sexual self pleasure / Masturbation
Practical Chastity
Shulammite

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Benefits of chastity

None of the negative Effects of Premarital Sex and Cohabitation,
Improved Psychological well being,
Zero risk of Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs),
Zero Unwanted Pregnancies and Abortion,
Increased Marital Stability and Satisfaction,

The above came from: The Benefits of Chastity Before Marriage

I am adding:

Increased self confidence,
Increased knowledge of yourself and your body,
Improved body image.

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Chastity in Bible

First an answer I lifted off this website What does the Bible say about chastity?, then I will add my own words to make it practical.

Question: "What does the Bible say about chastity?"

Answer: The word chastity means “the quality of being morally pure.” Usually, we think of chastity as abstention from illicit sexual activities. Priests and nuns in the Roman Catholic Church take a vow of chastity, promising to abstain from all forms of sexual activity. Chastity also has a lesser-known meaning related to personal integrity. For example, one might say, “The pastor was a shining example of chastity in every area of his life.” Although today we are more familiar with synonyms such as morality, purity, and modesty, the Bible has much to say about chastity, both sexual and otherwise.

Scripture exhorts young men to treat older women as mothers and younger women as sisters “with all chastity” or “purity” (1 Timothy 5:2). When Paul used familial terms to describe women in the church, he set the boundaries for chaste behavior between the sexes. The meaning was clear: “Treat every woman the way you want someone to treat your mother or your sister.” Paul also instructed his young protégé, Timothy, to take care that his own life was a model of chastity so that he would “set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity” (1 Timothy 4:12). Deacons and elders must be models of chastity in every area of life (1 Timothy 3:1–13). This includes not being addicted to alcohol, remaining faithful to one wife, staying free from the love of money, and maintaining an honorable reputation in all ways.

The Bible’s teaching on sexual chastity is clear. Any sexual activity outside a one-man-one-woman covenant marriage is sin (Hebrews 13:4; 1 Corinthians 6:18; 2 Corinthians 12:21). But chastity is more than white-knuckled abstention from sex; chastity begins in the heart. It is from the heart that all evil comes (Matthew 15:18–19). Jesus taught that even private sexual lust is unchaste and sinful (Matthew 5:28). Pornography, immodest clothing, and heavy make-out sessions between dating couples all violate the Bible’s principle of chastity. Chaste people must set personal boundaries so that their hearts are not led into temptation (Romans 13:14).

Living lives of chastity can be difficult for everyone, but single men and women struggle with it most. However, they may find chastity easier when they limit their exposure to sexually exploitive images and situations. Married people practice chastity by remaining faithful to their spouses and honoring the Lord with their bodies and minds (1 Corinthians 7:2–5). Christians who battle same-sex attraction remain celibate, trusting that the Lover of their souls will satisfy even their deepest longings. Personal times of worship, prayer, and meditation on Scripture help keep our minds chaste as we work to “take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5).

Even though the concept of chastity is quickly vanishing from our world’s value system, it remains part of God’s. He searches the hearts and minds of every person, seeking those whose hearts are wholly His that He might show Himself strong on their behalf (2 Chronicles 16:9; Jeremiah 17:10). The Creator of our bodies and our souls is not fooled by our outward displays of chastity designed to impress onlookers. He seeks those who long to be “pure in heart” (Matthew 5:8). When chastity is our goal in every area of life, the Lord strengthens and rewards us with power to overcome sin and enjoy more of His presence (James 4:8; Psalm 34:17–18).

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Being Chaste

Now my words, as I believe the above is not complete. And want to be complete as the Shulammite woman from the Song of Solomon. Get your bible out see my answer here: Angelika Selfridge's answer to Is masturbation a sin? And look at the links.

Being Chaste does not mean, not thinking about sex. We are human beings, sexuality is part of the nature God gave us. It is wrong to equate thinking about sex with Jesus’ condemnation of lust. Having in your head, an erotic scenario or fantasy is not lust that is condemned. Lust is the desire to act out the sexual thoughts you are having.

Reminder, above it said: ‘Any sexual activity outside a one-man-one-woman covenant marriage is sin”. I want to clarify that the sin is sexual activity with another person who is not your spouse. The other things

Pornography, immodest clothing, and heavy make-out sessions

These three also need clarification.

Pornography, technically is a media designed to sexually arouse and encourage sexual immoral behaviour. A lot of it is rubbish, it does not portray what is essential relationship, some tell a story but is often just sex. In reality there is no thing as ‘just sex’, people make emotional connections. The porn industry is notorious for high rates of abuse, it can be dangerous. Watch this from: HelloMyNameIsDragonRider: Is Masturbation a Sin?

That is not to say there should be a blanket ban on all ‘porn’, I think there is room to argue that media of someone doing what you are allowed to do, could be excluded from this prohibition, but like HelloMyNameIsDragonRider, if you become dependent on it, it becomes bad.

Immodest clothing, is difficult to define as it depends on circumstance, bikini maybe okay in some situations, when in doubt, cover-up. Don’t dress to stand out in sexually provocative clothing in public, Having said that, in private, at home, or with your husband, sexual provocative clothing may be appropriate.

Because it is difficult to define, I won’t add to this section except to insert this video from Tiffany Dawn, I don't agree with everything, but is good enough for inclusion here.

Heavy make-out sessions, it will get you in state of high sexual arousal such that you will strongly desiring sex, right now. Then it will be very difficult to resist the temptation to have sex. If the other person is your husband, go for it, the hornier you are the better. When making out with your spouse and getting horny such that you are strongly desiring sex, because the person is your husband, you are being chaste. Because you can and should here think about sex, the so called ‘purity culture’ teaching that you are sinning just thinking about sex is wrong, not only wrong, it is unhealthy and potentially dangerous.

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Sexual self pleasure / Masturbation

You will notice above there was no mention of masturbation, that is intentional.
(The links do mention it) Masturbation’s place in chastity needs to be talked about.

Note above that sexual sin is ‘is sexual activity with another person who is not your spouse’. Masturbation being sexual activity with yourself is not included in sexual sin. For emphasis I repeat, self masturbation is not sinful. Not only is it not a sin, it has a place in maintaining chastity. See: Angelika Selfridge's answer to I'm a 19-year-old girl who constantly thinks about masturbation, sexual intercourse, etc. Due to this, I feel regret and get distracted towards my studies. How can I get rid of this? Masturbation is an activity between you and God, just like married sex is between you, your husband and God, offer it to him.

Did Jesus have sexual thoughts? To be fully human, he must have. Did Jesus masturbate? There is no way to know, can only argue as to whether he would have or not, see: Angelika Selfridge's answer to Did Jesus Christ ever masturbate?

Masturbation has the effect of lowering the libido for a period, from hours to days. Also frequency of masturbation can be a barometer of health. A lot more or less than normal can be an indicator that something is wrong.

In a previous answer I offered 3 steps for being chaste and being pure. Whether married or single these three will help you be chaste.

These thing are 1, Lust, 2, abstaining from sexual sin, 3, chaste action.

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Practical Chastity.

1. Do not seek or think about putting yourself in a position to have sex with someone.

2. Abstain from sexual activity with others except your husband.

3. Masturbate yourself regularly.

There is a video on my answer here you will find helpful:
Angelika Selfridge's answer to What do you personally recommend for birth control to a 16 year old?

PS. Even for a married woman with regular sex, I still recommend you regularly take some time out to masturbate yourself.

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Shulammite

Read here to learn more about the Shulammite: Angelika Selfridge's answer to Is masturbation a sin?

And: Angelika Selfridge's answer to Can an observant Jew masturbate on Shabbat (Sabbath)? Can battery operated toys be used in that endeavour, or must the battery be removed? My Rabbi, teacher, and parents don't know.